The Sea Glass Cure

Posted by Princess Eva Angelica On 3:23 PM
Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Do you ever get so riled up and teeth-gritting angry that you just want to dash a dozen eggs on the kitchen floor? Have you ever done it? Well, I don't recommend it myself. It's messy, and then you have another thing to be angry about: cleaning the kitchen floor.

When I'm angry (which I am now), I generally grab a piece of sea glass. Sea glass, as its name implies, is any kind of glass that has gone overboard or been swept into the waves. It gets scoured by the sea and sand, winding up opaque and softly rounded, instead of shiny and sharp.

I am now asking the sea glass to smooth me out, so I am no longer angry at:

1. Incompetent co-workers. For the love of fruit flies, we all have those!

2. Psychotherapists who watch their clocks and grab their checks with no real regard for the feelings of the people who come to them for care.

3. Left-wing and mainstream Christians, who ought to be chastising their more radical brethren, but who aren't -- for whatever pathetic reason.

4. People like Christine Flowers, who think that anyone and everyone can, through sheer hard work, become a billionaire.

5. Governors who would rather vilify public school teachers than ask the rich to pay more taxes.

6. A president who has done everything he can to pacify the very people he promised us he would oppose to his final breath.

7. People who are still writing to me about their sweet and cuddly Rhodesian Ridgebacks! Give me a break. Of course you love your dog, he's the best dog in the world! Surprise me, please. Tell me you hate your dog, he's dangerous and vicious, and you fear for your neighbors' lives. Yeah, not holding the breath on this one.

8. The death of print journalism. I'm part of the problem, but I can honestly say that when newspapers stop publishing, we will be lost.

9. Conservative politics. Our governor laid off all the car inspectors. Now the only thing given an inspection in New Jersey is emissions. Conservatives believe that all New Jersey citizens will be responsible enough to keep their brakes in good repair. Good luck widdat. See you on da Turnpike!

10. Political candidates being showcased at prayer events. We got a black president. We will probably get a female president sometime soon. You know what we will never see? An atheist president. And that's exactly what we ought to have. An existentialist president would be even better.

Ahhhh, sea glass, take me away!

Not working.

Tanqueray, take me away!

I'm what you would call a practical Pagan.

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