Shopping Tips and Guidance by Mandy Claire

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where downsized deities come to chill! No pantheon is too obscure, no praise and worship team too small, to gain our respect and regard!

With all this sad news from the Gulf of Mexico, it's a good time to bring your attention to something uplifting. Actually, this is great news! Just recently, some bored gods and goddesses have been moved from Endangered to Protected status by the federal Bureau of Assessment of Deities. BAD has lifted the Endangered category from the following:

1. Celtic deities. The rise of Wicca, Druidism, and the ongoing international passion for Faerie has swollen the praise and worship teams of the ancient Celts to a break-even point. The Internet has been a huge help to these deities who, 100 years ago, were clinging by their fingernails to a little bit of literature in the British Isles. Hat tip to William Butler Yeats for getting the ball rolling.

2. Scandinavian deities. Boy, was this crowd ever sore when all the press they got was in Marvel comic books! The ever-growing ranks of Asatru have restored Thor! All hail, and drink a horn of mead!

3. Greek deities. They've had it up to here, being called "myths." To Hades with "myth!" This crowd now has a praise and worship team again! As well they should. Many a great thinker worshiped Athena. She is way overdue getting some more.

4. Mayan deities. Still considered Endangered, but in better shape than in the 20th century. The whole 2012 business has brought needed attention to some awesome Meso-American gods. What They will do in 2013 is up to Them, but by that time They'll be up in praise and worship numbers significantly.



5. Vulture worship. Hate to pat myself on the back here, but hat tip on this one goes straight to "The Gods Are Bored!" A handful of people are starting to look at buzzards and see more than just ugly birds with bald heads and bad diets. Job well done. Sacred Thunderbird, Peace Eagle, You fly again!


Of course there's always some bad news behind the celebration. In a nutshell, the fruitful labors of archeologists are unearthing ever more forgotten and discarded deities. And so, if you are seeking a very rare praise and worship experience, possibly being the only person on the planet to give prayers to a particular deity, all you need to do is keep current with your Science Digest. Almost every month they've got a new "myth" from some culture so far past gone that even your DNA has trouble remembering the details.

Yes, the ongoing "Gods Are Bored" agenda of restoring faded pantheons continues. It's just nice to see a bit of progress here and there. Personally, we here at TGAB were feeling quite burdened by the need to promote the Celtic deities. With so many other people hard at it, we will be able to catch up on all those back issues of National Geographic and the aforementioned Science Digest, without shirking our duties to Thunderbird.

Life moves on.