Shopping Tips and Guidance by Mandy Claire

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored" on the Fourth of July weekend, 2011! America, America, God shed disgrace on Thee.

At the turn of the previous century, America was a nation where the vast majority of citizens labored long hours for minimal pay, in dangerous professions, while a slim minority lived like royalty. Gradually the lower classes began to find their voices, and they were backed by Christian ministers and people like William Jennings Bryan, who, for all his myopia on evolution, held the radical belief that Jesus would want the rich to be more fair to the poor -- and the government should lead the way by acting like Jesus.

Judging by today's government, it seems that Jesus now favors that slim royal few. Or maybe He still cares about the rest of us, but his many busy priests aren't listening. Either way, there's no call for social justice from our nation's mainstream religion. Christians don't care if other Christians lose their jobs and their homes and their health care.

Here's what I read on the front page of today's New York Times:

"With the final numbers counted, median pay for top executives at 200 big companies last year was $10.8 million, a 23 percent gain from 2009."

In the meantime, who among us hasn't had to give back raises, pay more for benefits (if you even have them), watch pension funds dry up, and see the nation's social safety nets maligned bitterly by people who claim to be Christians?

HOOOOONNNNNK! That's the final buzzer on you, Jesus. Your people aren't paying a bit of attention to You. The only ones left who think they're doing Your work are sloshing around rain forests, trying to downsized even more bored gods.

It's time to reinstate some bored deities who will look out for the helpless and the hopeless, the way Jesus' people used to do. I suggest we call upon Mother Goddesses from multiple pantheons to take up this important job. Surely They will do it. They're probably waiting for their cell phones to ring, tapping their fingers in anticipation.

If we Pagans want to have an impact on society, we need to advocate for the hopeless and helpless on behalf of our deities. We need some kick-ass Ancient Wisdom to mend the social contract.

I can't speak for the rest of you, but from now on, every time I attend a rally for any cause that I believe in, I will be dressed in my full Druidic attire. The Gods, stirring from their boredom, are weighing America in the balance and finding it wanting. Lets take Them with us as advocates for truth and justice.

Placing a call to Columbia now.