Shopping Tips and Guidance by Mandy Claire

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Yes, that's leftover birthday cake you see there on the countertop. I wish I could say, "Help yourself," but Spare is pretty parsimonious when it comes to doling out cake.

Spare turned 17 recently. Last night she had a few friends over to dine with her. I served them spaghetti and meatballs and salad, and cake.

I decorated with a Star Wars tablecloth and Yoda napkins. One of her friends gave her a light saber, and another gave her a sonic screwdriver. No other kinds of screwdrivers were requested, craved, or consumed.

Spare has taken an interest in science fiction, which is always a bed of fertile ground for lively imaginations. She is particularly interested in Doctor Who, but she and I had a wonderful time watching the 1976 Star Wars together.

Have you caught any of this Doctor Who? Some of the episodes are pretty creative. I don't get to watch it much, but I approve of Spare immersing herself in it.

Spare wanted me to list ten things about her that I like, here at "The Gods Are Bored." Alas, I can't do it. I can't narrow it down to a mere ten things. I could say 50 nice things about her sweet, sober, smart friends before I even got to her.

Spare's birthday always makes me think about her tree.

When Spare was a year old, I found a tiny little ornamental maple sapling growing under the huge pine tree in my neighbor's front yard. This little thing was only one stick, literally the size of Charlie Brown's Christmas tree. Could not have been more than 16 inches tall.

I asked my neighbor if I could dig it up and replant it. He asked me why I would want to.

I said, "I'm patient."

For a short time, Spare and her tree were the same height. I have pictures. But no more. The maple is a stunning, mature tree now, as broad as it is tall, and beautiful every month of the year. In the spring (right around now, through mid-May) its leaves are a combination of magenta and chartreuse. They go green for the summer, and then turn a brilliant red in the fall. I suspect that only global climate change allows this plant to live at all around here, because it holds its leaves the longest of any other tree around here -- and it blooms fairly early.

So, here's some of that advice that used to be free, but now I'm paying you to take. If you know you're going to stay somewhere for awhile, plant some little twig that would otherwise be overlooked. Why go to the garden store and shell out $400 for a maple that has just sat in some nursery for six years? Grow your own! Once you get through that gangly childhood phase, your twig will be fabulous. With the money you save you can pay your federal income taxes!

I think I'll get Spare to pose with her tree for another portrait. Both are growing and thriving in the fertile soil of the Garden State.