Shopping Tips and Guidance by Mandy Claire

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" I'm your host, Anne. I've always been Anne, since the day I was born. Guess I'll be Anne until the day I die. Okay, that's fine!

It takes me a mere 9 minutes to drive to work. In that particular block of time on my news radio station, I hear:
1. weather
2. traffic (which takes awhile ... it's Philly at rush hour)
3. sports
4. some dumb thing called "Rewind" about entertainment. (I usually turn it off.)

Then I go to work. So I get no news. The much-awaited Apocalypse could be underway, and I would still be grading papers and planning lessons. I'm out of the loop.

So it's funny where I'll pick up a tidbit for your interest here at "The Gods Are Bored."

Today's tidbit comes from the mass email I get from the Fairy Festival at Spoutwood Farm. The email reports the death of David Ross, a dude I'd never heard of, but nevertheless a seemingly worthy champion of a cause I also support, home rule for Scotland.

This same email also contained a link, which I will not pass along because I didn't like the Google Ads on it. That link invited people to petition the English National Archives to return to Scotland the letter of transit William Wallace was carrying when he was arrested in 1305.

The letter in question is a safe passage document signed by King Philip IV of France. It was seized -- along with Wallace -- in a shady sell-out by some sneaky snitch.

I was a fan of William Wallace before Mel Gibson made William Wallace into a movie star. But I wonder if Scotland really needs Wallace's note from the king of France.

Think about it. If Donovan McNabb (quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles) was sneaking around Dallas, with a letter of safe transit signed by Andy Reid (coach of the Philadelphia Eagles), and McNabb was picked up on a DUI or something, would the Dallas police send Andy's letter back to Philly?

That was a rhetorical question. Any self-respecting Dallas cop would send that letter one place: the crapper. I'm frankly amazed that Wallace's jailers didn't do the same with King Philip's note.

Anyway, Scotland wants Wallace's letter back.

I don't particularly care about this weakly smoldering issue. Heck, Scotland got Wallace's body ... chopped up into four pieces.

However, there are some artifacts that I would like to see returned to their countries of origin.

I, Anne Johnson, hereby petition all museums in Group of Eight nations to return all archeological artifacts to their countries of origin. This means every Greek statue, every Mesopotamian grave good, every pottery shard of Inca or Maya manufacture, right down to the last little miniature jade elephant brought back from Burma by Marco Polo! Send that stuff back to the bored deities who inspired its construction, and to the people of those lands!

I've ranted about this before, but it bears repeating. Say what you will about our American/British/etc. etc. museums being filled to the plimsol line with superior scientists. Phooey! Send the stuff back where it belongs! The gods have been robbed!

When you think about all the treasures stored at the British Museum -- treasures of the bored gods -- a little piece of mail from the king of France ca. 1305 is just trifling.

Message to England: Keep Wallace's letter. Send back the Stone of Scone.

I'm Anne Johnson, and I approve this message.