Shopping Tips and Guidance by Mandy Claire

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" I think all of the photos of the Fairie Fest this year have filtered in, so here's a little pictorial for those of you who are thinking of coming next year. I would like to thank Frater Servitor Lucem, Pam and Rita, and a host of other photographers for doing so much great clicking!

As leader of the Mountain Tribe, I had to bring the Stone of Destiny. Can't carry the original (and wouldn't want to move it from its current locale), so I got this one from behind the house on Polish Mountain. Yes, it was heavy.


Spare and I with dragons Big Red and Mushu. Mushu traveled all the way from Washington State to be at the festival, so I don't want any excuses from you Marylanders next year!

Big Red and I always do a little storytelling gig on Friday in the Pocket Fairy Booth.

I have to speak into the mic. It helps that the guy holding it is a fabulous person.



We had to make a sign with our Mountain Tribe chant on it. Ours won the prize as most pathetic.


Oh, these small ones! I don't know how to enlarge them. This is all the Tribe leaders doing the traditional La Tooshie dance. No Fairie Festival is complete without it.


 For my money, this was the most beautiful faerie on the site.



And here's dear Bibi with our REAL banner, made by an expert craftsman. We also had a beautiful tablecloth, made by Pam and Rita. I would say the Mountain Tribe did pretty well for itself.

Facebook has a May Day Fairie Festival at Spoutwood group with a gazillion photos posted. These are just a few to help me navel gaze on rainy days!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," Mother's Day edition 2011! Spare made breakfast, and she also made a beautiful video for me with pictures from throughout my whole life. It was hugely touching. As for Heir ... hmmm ... Heir ... still at college, not even a phone call. Maybe later.

Just now I was out tending Shrine of the Mists. Seemed like a nice way to honor my Mother.

Every time I visit Polish Mountain I bring back more stone for my Shrine. This batch of stone just added is extra special, since it first attended the Fairie Festival ... and I'm pretty sure it's Marcellus shale. So the Shrine is all dressed up and looking beautiful. It just needs the new Orangina bottle to be complete.

This is a picture of My Man Jeff. I only know him as My Man Jeff. Twice now he has come to the Fairie Festival and joined the Mountain Tribe. And two years in a row he has brought water for me in an Orangina bottle.

Last year at the festival, it was hot as all get out, and Jeff might have saved me from heat stroke with his gift. This year wasn't as hot, but I still was glad for the water.

Jeff does not have a Facebook. For all I know he's a faerie who materializes for the festival and then drifts away again beyond the veil. Except I have a feeling he's mortal, because this year he had a pleasant young female friend with him (not pictured).

I put Jeff's Orangina bottles on the Shrine because he is probably the very most random person I call "friend." We know nothing about each other except that we are in Mountain Tribe at the Spoutwood Fairie Festival.

Here's to My Man Jeff, magick in a small yearly dose. One day a year we are happy together. I pray that the other 364 he's just as serene.

So might it be.

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," dedicated silly Paganism since 2005! Some people only think they hear the Horned One whispering in their ears. I'm taking it to a whole new level, people. Here I am, taking His advice on how best to proceed in this and every other dimension!

Today's sermon: Is it bad to be bad?

The trouble with many people is that they can't distinguish between bad and evil. Any rule broken, any convention challenged, it's evil. Having a great time in a very rowdy way? Evil! Saying what's on your mind, even if it's an inconvenient truth? Evil! We should be serious. Uphold all standards of social respectability. And to whom do we look for those standards of respectability? Why, nice, church-going middle class white people, of course!

BAMP! Wrong.

Suppose we stop the clock for a day or two and allow The Horned One to call the shots. See, I know this Guy. He's a misunderstood bored god. Yes, He is going to encourage you to be bad. But no, most emphatically no, He is not going to want you to be evil. He wants you to have the time of your life, without harming yourself or anyone else. Yes, sadly, he wants you to overlook what might happen to the quality of the upholstery on your favorite ottoman. Stains happen. But they're stains, not sins.

People think the Horned One likes to lead young innocents astray. In my experience, there's no need of a deity to do the pushing when it comes to lust, especially in May. On the other hand, it's convenient to have Someone to blame it on when you creep off into the woods with a cutie. Devil made me do it, dontcha know.

Truth is, the Horned One doesn't make you do anything. He encourages you to enjoy yourself. My friends, our time of life is short. Let us all have fun being bad! And heck, if we stay outdoors we won't even threaten the purity of the chintz!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" In my previous post I complained about having to read from "Song of Solomon" at the Fairie Festival this weekend, and no less than 15 bored deities showed up to set me straight (along with my enlightened readers). "Song" is all about sex, and it's very ancient, so tra la la!

Now it's time to sally forth to the festival! Here's a partial list of stuff I have already packed in the car:

1. Beautiful tablecloth for Mountain Tribe, made from scratch by Pam and Rita (thereby saving my sorry hide).
2. Three bags stuffed dragons
3. Two large rocks, a box of small ones (all but one Marcellus shale)
4. Framed Terrence McKenna quote with art by Seitou (pretty proud of this ... waiting to see how many people ask who Seitou is)
5. Shameless plea for membership in Mountain Tribe (you must have a pulse)
6. TARDIS
7. Picture of Big Red
8. Big Red
9. Picture of me and Spare (Spare will be arriving by separate transportation)
10. Banner with tribal chant on it, made by Spare
11. "My Heart, My Soul, and My Grave are in Appalachia" pin
12. Mushu and Grape (dragons from Seattle out on a spree)
13. bag of Lucky Trolls
14. Basket of purple ribbons
15. 300 safety pins and bowl to put them in


Here's what I have still left to pack:

1. Outfit #1: Neon tie-dye, red skirt, mountain hat
2. Outfit #2: Neon tie-dye tunic, capri leggings, hiking boots
3. Outfit #3: Will be a combination of above
4. Outfit #4 for Tribe games: Dalek t-shirt, shorts, sneakers
5. Most important, therefore most likely to be forgotten: Green Man earrings, Puck, and Chance

Assorted socks, underwear, and toiletries, Advil and Zyrtec (been shoving those puppies down)

It's not so bad taking all this stuff with me, but the thought that I'll have to shove it all back in the car on Sunday and drive home, then go straight into work the following day ... whoa, gonna need some good faeries on this one.

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," just a few short days east of the May Day Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farm!


I sure hope I'm feeling better by that time, because I think I've had two different bouts of flu this week, plus pinkeye. Today I scuttled my plans to see my friends in Allentown, and just sitting here at the computer is exhausting work.


Oh, but the festival preparations continue!


In times past, leaders of Tribes were not asked to bring anything but themselves and little tokens to give out to anyone who wanted to join the tribe. I thought I had finally volunteered for something that would ask little and give a lot.


But I'm doomed to the "say yes syndrome." With about a dozen members of the Mountain Tribe spread over three states, we have been asked to:


1. Prepare a table display explaining all about the Mountain Tribe (partially finished with the great help of Pam and Rita).


2. Create a big sign with a chant on it that our Tribe will have to chant. (Spare is working on this now.)


3. Learn the chant.


4. Be more systematic about the tokens we dole out.


5. Learn the chant.


6. Run games for kids. (That's why I needed the dragons. I still need more.)


7. There was also a rehearsal that I missed last weekend because I was sick, and it rained.


So we went from needing nothing more than boffo costumes, to needing to put on a quarter of a pageant! Faeries help me and Spare, and Pam and Rita, and Bibi as we try to prop up this venture!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Boy, was I ever grumpy the night of that beautiful full moon! Well, I got over it, and went out in the lovely moonlight, and thanked the bored Goddess Luna for being so full so late. I might be wrong (probably am), but doesn't this make Easter as late as it ever can be?

Next to being Buzzy at the East Coast Vulture Festival, my second-favorite yearly role is co-leader (with Spare) of the Mountain Tribe at the Spoutwood Fairie Festival. This year will be our third anniversary of receiving this honor.

Ah, but there's always a catch. Right?

For our first two years, we Mountain Tribe maniacs only had to show up and act rowdy. This year the festival wants to expand the role of the Tribes.

And. That. Means. I. Have. To. Make. A. Fancy. Table.

So that visitors will know what the Mountain Tribe is, and whether or not they belong in it.

Those three of you who have read "The Gods Are Bored" these many years will recall that if hot glue guns are involved, Anne bows out. The very word "craft" makes me break out in hives. Just ask any church lady who ever asked me to make centerpieces for some churchy event. I'm sure my clueless crafting is still the talk of the Bible Circle.

This new Spoutwood challenge is not just some thing I can fudge, either. Some of the other Tribe leaders are professional artists who can hot-glue letters and flowers to a fabric sign from 50 yards away. I don't feel particularly competitive with them, but all the same, it will look pretty shabby if my table contains a TARDIS and little else.

Adding to this, Spare and I are not in agreement on what to do with the table. That's bound to happen when one leader is in her 50s and the other is 17. We do agree on a TARDIS. Beyond that we go our separate ways.

Life throws us these challenges, though, and one must sigh and rise to them. It's the burden of leadership, I guess.

Anyway, over the next week we'll be having a discussion here at "The Gods Are Bored" about the new, crafty, artistic, eye-popping, and otherwise fabulous Mountain Tribe table. Your input is desperately needed. Desperately. Needed. Think of your input as what it would take to talk Anne off the ledge of some high-rise building in Gotham City.

The Fairie Festival is April 29, 30, and May 1. If you have a vision, please share it. If you can make things like paper-mache mountains, I will be your slave until the end of time.

If the Second Amendment covered glue guns, I would be out there lobbying to have it removed from our Constitution. *sweaty palms* Oh! Glue guns! Calgon, take me away!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where we are relentlessly dedicated to fun! "O gentlemen, the time of life is short. To spend that shortness basely is too long."

Shut up, Shakespeare, before I hit you with a water balloon!

On the count of three, everyone's going to salute William Shakespeare with a Bronx cheer! Ready? One ... two ... three ...


PFFFFTTTTTTFFFTTTTTTT!!!

I am seriously thinking of starting my own religion. Rule number one would be not to take anything seriously except the sanctity of human life. Beyond that, anything goes!

This musing is brought about by a change in leadership for the May Day Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farm.

I got an email yesterday from someone who has taken up some slack left by the departure of Bard Andrew (see sidebar). The new arrival found numerous grammatical errors in the Spoutwood site, particularly in the area of its Tribes. This same scholar had plenty to say about Bard Andrew's take on Celtic spirituality -- from spelling errors to major quibbles about the British Isles and some such.

This same editor suggested that we in the Mountain Tribe should strike the "Meka leka hi, meka hiney ho" from our Mountain Tribe chant, because -- get this, readers -- it must be an "inside joke."

Gauntlet thrown, "Gods Are Bored" takes arms.

If you were thinking of coming to the Spoutwood Fairie Festival and becoming part of the Mountain Tribe, please take heed of the following scholarly arrangements:

1. Be very, very well-versed in "Pee Wee's Playhouse." All hillbillies love it. Don't try to join our tribe without knowing the exact upholstery pattern on Cherry.

2. New this year: You must also have watched every episode of "Dr. Who," Doctors 10 and 11 ... and you'd better be pretty well-versed in Eccleston as well. There will be a quiz. And the Mountain Tribe MAY have a Tardis. If you question the authenticity of hillbillies in a Tardis, you are a HERETIC.

3. DFTBA. Don't know what that means? You are inauthentic. Go and spend 15 years researching archaic Celtic lore (and another six months on the latest internet banter), or you don't qualify for Mountain Tribe.

Bamp! Just kidding.

Ha ha, la di dah! Whoever edited the tribal page for Spoutwood doesn't get faeries at all! Faeries want to be up on the latest, greatest, most amazing, and -- most importantly -- FUN innovations! Do they care if you spell "faerie" as "fairy?" Oh HELL no! Every morning, every evening, ain't we got fun!?!

Spare and I are the leaders of the Mountain Tribe. No one can dispute my authenticity. My ancestors marched to the Whiskey Rebellion from the mountains of Western Maryland. And as a card-carrying hillbilly, I make the decisions for the Mountain Tribe.

We will say "Meka leka hi, meka hiney ho." That is not an inside joke. Pee Wee is a friend to Faerie.

We will wear fezzes, because Dr. Who likes fezzes. Since when is a British science fiction creation a hillbilly? Oh, since never -- but in Cumberland, Maryland there's a fraternity called the Ali Ghan Shrine ... and those dudes wear fezzes!

We at "The Gods Are Bored" are serious in our support for scholarship. We proudly count a few college professors among our readership. But those professors would immediately recognize the difference between innovative sweet fun and strict adherence to some sort of rule of propriety. The former belongs at Fairie Festivals. The latter belongs in books, papers, and in serious stuff.

We are not serious here. A faerie named Puck lives in our midst, and he has told us point-blank that Shakespeare never wrote a word for anything but money or sex. Did you really believe otherwise?

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Well, let's see. What's new in the world? One percent of Americans control about half of the wealth, the Westboro Baptist Church is standing before the Supreme Court defending its right to shout at grieving military families (in person and online), Mr. Bigwand is still a six-foot spout of gushing ego, and I'm dead beat from another day of teaching!

Time for a little re-adjustment.

Some time in 2011 a film producer will be releasing a documentary about the Spoutwood Fairie Festival. Here is the trailer. If you live anywhere on the Eastern Seaboard, and you watch this and think, "Oh, I don't want to go to that," then where do you want to go?

Faeries. Lots and lots of faeries. Enough said.

http://www.glenrockfae.com/Video/Pages/The_First_Trailer.html

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" Now I know, I know ... you're going to argue with me. The best things in life are free, right? Let's examine this proposition.

The best things in life for me are my husband and my kids. Well, the husband sure does pull his share of the weight and more, but the kids. Whoa. Anything but free! Take a gander at Heir's college tuition. Or Spare's fancy fairy wear. I have worked my fingers to the bone and shelled out ducats liberally for my beloved children.

Big Red, on the other hand, set me back three bucks. I bought him at the thrift store. I had to convince another customer (who didn't speak English) to sell him back to me. Since then, Big Red has been a mainstay of the Spoutwood Fairy Festival, beloved by young and old.

Let's review. My dragon, Big Red (pictured, having pretended to be a kite and gotten stuck in a tree), cost three dollars, no tax because I bought him point of sale from another thrift store customer. Now, just look at that grin on my face. I'm not mugging for the camera, readers. This was a candid shot. I didn't even know it was being taken!

The moral of this sermon: Are you still going to that crappy shopping mall? Get thee to the thrift store! The best things in life are lightly used.

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," clueless on computers since around the turn of the century! If anyone can tell me how to have my followers' pictures in my sidebar along with my links, please lend a hand. Seems that when I enabled the followers, Blogger ate my links.

Speaking of eating, I am Jabberwocky! The following poem was written by my friend Maebius, who attended the Spoutwood Fairy Festival.Thanks, Maebius, for writing TGAB tonight!


Twas beltaine, and the fairie grove
Did shine and sparkle like the waves:
All mimsy were the kiddie troves,
And the mom sats in shade.

"Beware the JohnsonAnne, my friends!
The smile thats bright, the hugs that catch!
Beware the Jubjub Spare, not shun
The wonderous Mountain Clan[ch]!"

We took our crystal shard in hand:
Long time the manxome Tribe we sought --
So rested we by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought we stood,
The JohnsonAnne, with eyes aflame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as she came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The Tribes all chanted snicker-snack!
We joined in song, after not long
and Galumphing echoed back. (KUBIANDO!)

"And, has thou enjoyed the Faerie Fest?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
We chortled in our joy.

Twas beltaine, and the fairie grove
Did shine and sparkle like the waves:
All mimsy were the kiddie troves,
And the mom sats in shade.

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" And welcome back, Follower #78! Couldn't live without me, could ya?

Next week will bring April 1. And that means only 29 days until the annual Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farm!

The Fairie Festival in Glen Rock, PA is a kid-friendly, farm-friendly, three-day love fest for faeries and their human fans. There's entertainment, good food, activities for the tots, vendors, and -- for those of us who love the bored gods -- the affable companionship of like-minded Pagans. Although the festival tries to be secular, its true nature is revealed both within the venue (thinly disguised Rituals led by a Bard) and without (loud protests by local Christian fundamentalists).

After attending the festival a few times, I was asked to lead the Mountain Tribe. This is quite an honor for me, since my heart will always reside in Appalachia, on this side of the veil and the other side too.

Last year I met some "Gods Are Bored" fans at the festival. And oh, it did warm my heart! So now I'm trying to extend that warmth even further.

Over the next three weeks I'll be encouraging you to join the Mountain Tribe at the Spoutwood Fairie Festival.

Let it never be said that I am overly demanding. My friend in South Africa needn't book a flight. Nor am I issuing a royal call to my buddy Down Under.

However, if you live in the Baltimore/Washington metro area, or in the lower half of New Jersey, or out about Pittsburgh, I do wish you would join my Tribe and help us welcome in the May! It's not often that May Day falls on a Saturday. This year it does. Come and dance with me, many wonders to see!

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," live from my desktop! Bring on the pictures, the bells and whistles, the vlogs and YouTube links! I'm back online!

Here and now, I would be remiss if I did not thank my dear friend, Sufficiently Twisted, for his computer expertise. He saved this ship. What could I possibly do for him in return? I let him use my Facebook account to drive his battle power on Castle Age. One good turn deserves another!

Please, though ... If you're my Facebook friend, don't think for one minute it was me slaying the dreaded Hydra. I've had Hydras as pets, and they're great. You save a lot of money on fuel bills, and they really don't eat that much. I feed them Rice Krispy Treats.

Seriously, if you could keep a magickal pet, what would it be? I think I'd like something I could fly around on. Maybe a Super Vulture. That sounds swell. Nice bald buzzard with a 15-foot wingspan. I would be chippin!

Speaking of vultures, it's time to mark your calendars for the busy "Gods Are Bored" spring season! First, coming up very shortly on March 6 is the annual East Coast Vulture Festival, our yearly gathering of buzzard devotees. Won't you join us? This year's program is a Native American drum group. Seriously, I could use a spotter at this event, because I may swoon. Native Americans praising their sacred Peace Eagle! Be still my beating heart. And yes, I will be "suiting up" as the vulture mascot again. I'm humbled at the prospect.

From Vulture Fest it's only a short burst of incredibly debilitating teaching until the Spoutwood Fairie Festival! Oh my, I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to this event! My daughter The Spare and I already have our room booked at the nearest hotel (we don't do the camping thing). Won't we all be ready for spring by May Day? Now go and look at your calendar. Beltaine is on Saturday this year! So, come one, come all, to Glen Rock, PA. Meet and greet me there! I'm hard to miss. I'm the leader of the Mountain Tribe. And this year ... we WILL rock you!

Frankly, I'm finding this year to be one of the most trying of my entire life. The prospect of my annual festivals and revels keeps me hopeful that all will be well, and that all that is well will be wonderful.