Shopping Tips and Guidance by Mandy Claire

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" I have had a brilliant idea, and I aim to put it in place right away.

I've been teaching public school here in New Jersey for awhile, and I do love my students dearly. I look forward to every minute with them in the classroom. Trouble is, there's so much other stuff in teaching that is either drudgery, trivia, or psych-out. Constant observations by the brass. Bubble sheets for everything under the sun. Educational innovations that will soon be discredited but are now the rage.

Tonight I go job-hunting. I am seeking a position as Teacher of Bardic Poetry at Hogwarts.

You see, my daughter The Spare is going to the Harry Potter premiere. Only she's not going to attend the movie. She's going to the pre-screening party. And you should see her! She stole half my wardrobe (including my Xmas Troll earrings) and has decked herself out as Luna Lovegood. (The entire house smells like hairspray -- Spare has straight hair, so she had to curl it.)

Spare says these premieres bring out all the Hogwarts brass. What better opportunity than this to shop around my resume where my services would be best rendered?

Maybe if Hogwarts takes me on, I can bring some of my students. They would liven up that stuffy old castle. Plus, every day for them is Defense against the Dark Arts. They could teach the teachers!

So, readers, wish me luck as I float off to submit my resume.