Shopping Tips and Guidance by Mandy Claire

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," your highway to heaven ... lots of them! Don't book with a busy carrier. Fly the friendlier skies!

That is, if you can fly at all. You won't get off the East Coast of America today.

Every now and then, in February in New Jersey, we get these crappy wind-blown rainstorms called Nor'Easters. And when we get them, we always say, "Oh well, at least it's not cold enough for it to be snow. Because if this was snow, we'd be buried.

Today it's snow. And we at TGAB are buried. We've got two feet and counting. The Shrine of the Mists is totally obliterated.

There's a bored god in the back yard. He blends in pretty well with the background. His name is Aisoyimstan. He is a God of snow, blown in from the wilds of Montana. I just invited Him in for a frosty mug of root beer. Let's give a freezy feisty "Gods Are Bored" welcome to Aisoyimstan, sacred to the Plains Indians of America!

Anne: Aisoyimstan! What's with the snowstorms? This is the second whopper we've had in New Jersey this year!

Aisoyimstan: I hope this doesn't shake your faith in global climate change.

Anne: Oh heck no! Every winter used to be like this when I was a kid! Now this kind of snowy weather is the exception, not the norm. Is it still the norm in Montana, o snowy God? ... Aisoyimstan? Aisoyimstan? ....

Well, one can hardly expect a God of snow to hang out inside a warm house! I'll have to light a candle ... err ... leave a few well-crafted icicles on the Shrine of the Mists in honor of this worthy deity!

Just remember, readers, that one cold winter doesn't alter an otherwise clear warming trend. Of course, if you're Bill O'Reilly or Rick Santorum, all it takes is one snowfall to set things right. But they're morons. The rest of us have sense enough to be concerned about the future of Aisoyimstan and other bored gods of the realms of snow.

Okay, now it's time to hitch Decibel the Parrot up to the shovel and set him to work on the driveway. Can't sit here and count on school being closed on Monday. Come here, birdy!