Shopping Tips and Guidance by Mandy Claire

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," celebrating another day of living! Yeah, yeah. Rock on, geezer friends!

Tonight I drove by the Snobville Library, where there's a lit-up Christmas tree and a lit-up Menorah. Something in me just snapped. (I'm not decent to be around in the dark days). I decided that Snobville ought to have a Pagan display on its lawn too.

Off I went to the local hardware store (never Home Depot). I bought a pine wreath that I could stick into the ground. I bought some more of their weird mistletoe that claims to be real. I thought about the little holly tree growing under a pine, and the tons and tons of ivy in my yard. All just wonderful for a Pagan Yuletide display on public property!

Now it's three hours later. I'm in my warm house. The wreath is outside. The mistletoe is still in the car.

I ask myself: Why would I stick a perfectly good wreath on the library lawn, when I have a shrine to all bored deities right in my own back yard?

What would it prove to stick a wreath on that lawn? Nothing, since Christmas trees are Pagan in the first place.

I have come to my senses and will use the wreath, holly, and ivy to festoon the Shrine of the Mists. There will be an All Gods Eve on December 31, and I want the shrine to be spiffy.

Tonight's question to my legions of superior readers: Do you mind if I use the plural "gods" to describe all deities, male, female, and totemic? If not, can you suggest something more inclusive that is readable?

Heir is coming home from college in an hour. I can't wait to see her!