Shopping Tips and Guidance by Mandy Claire

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored!" "Know thyself," I always say. Focus that inner mirror. Figure out what makes you tick. Or what makes you a tick. Grammar trick!

Are you the kind of person who, given a job to do, just wants to dig in and get it done? I am. When I have something to do, and someone's trying to chat me up, I get annoyed.

A busy high school is not the optimal working environment for me.

I get mildly annoyed when students come in my room to chat me up. But I get intensely annoyed when other teachers come gabbing at me when all I really want to do is get the doggone essays graded and get my butt home to the warm hearth.

This week I actually clocked how much time other people wasted for me by chit-chatting. Two-and-a-half hours! Why did I bother clocking this? Well, it just so happens that my daughter The Heir was home from college this week, and I wanted to get home early enough to enjoy her company.

I know this is a "Dear Abby" question, but what do I do about these pesky teachers who just want to gab? The Teacher Creature is the worst offender, but he's only in my room one afternoon a week. There are two lady teachers about my age who pester me every day. And this is how well the one knows me: She tells me all the latest gossip from her church choir. *hack up fur ball*

I know I would be hurt if someone told me, "Sorry, I would love to hear about your Druid Grove, but right now I have to get these forms filled out in triplicate so I can go home and see my daughter." I'd feel like a chump. I don't want to make anyone feel like a chump, but I would like to have some benign way to dismiss the pests.

If you can think of anything, please share. Alas, I have already tried telling Gabbing Methodist Teacher that I'm a Pagan. Any space that might have put between us was canceled when she discovered that I own a parrot. (She does too.)

When I'm at work, I just want to work. I'm all business. It's just how I am. Most of the teachers at my school are that way too. I just seem to be a magnet for the ones who aren't.

I am open to spell suggestions, so long as no one gets hurt and the furniture doesn't get stained.

Oh, wait! The only upholstered furniture in my classroom is my teacher chair, and I sit in that! So bring on the grape juice ... I fear it not!