Shopping Tips and Guidance by Mandy Claire

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," where no deity scores an Epic Fail! Winning and losing is for baseball, not religion. Everything needn't be a contest. Sheesh!

Every now and then the Fourth of July falls on a Sunday and throws a monkey wrench into everyone's holiday plans. What is the Fourth without a morning parade? I guess we're gonna find out, because no town I know of would ever schedule a parade to conflict with church services.

Those of us who don't plan to don patriotic attire and toddle into the Methodist sanctuary in red heels might actually use Sunday, July 4 to a higher purpose.

Let us join in serious silent meditation for our nation and our planet and try especially to address the imbalances between our nation's consumption and our planet's preservation.

Whoa. Look at all those big words! No way will the Tea Party be able to read that!

On Sunday, July 4, you should:

1. Petition the deity or deities of your choice to send this country down a better road, and

2. Petition the deity or deities of your choice to save our planet.

If your deities are anything like mine, They will lob your petition right back at you and say, "DIY."

Know what? They're right!

What will you do to save the world? Me, I'm off to the laundromat. Laugh if you like, but those big ol' machines save energy by the fistfuls!